A wrenching national search for solutions to the violence that left 20 children dead in Newtown, Conn., all but ended Wednesday after the Senate defeated several measures to expand gun control.

-New York Times, ”Senate Blocks Drive for Gun Control”

Are you fucking kidding me? For the first five or so minutes, this was the only reaction I had to hearing about the Senate’s utter failure to pass a law expanding background checks today. Blind, unfiltered rage. Are you fucking kidding me, Republicans? Is your delusional devotion to your own fucked up interpretation of the Constitution more important than saving the lives of future victims of gun violence? REALLY?

But then, after I took a few several deep breaths, my only thought was, “How am I going to explain this to my kids?” I am an 8th grade Special Education teacher at a public school in NYC, and since our students are taking state exams this week (a whole other issue that I won’t even try to address in this post), we’ve been watching news clips and discussing them in ELA class. Assuming this is on the news reel we watch tomorrow, I really do not know how I will answer the questions my children will have.

When discussing politically polarizing issues with my kids, I’d like to think I remain relatively neutral. I do not see how this will be possible tomorrow. In the weeks following the shooting at Newtown, my students asked many questions about the tragedy:

“Could this happen here?”

“Wasn’t there a security guard at their school?”

“Why would someone do this?”

“Why are there so many evil people in the world?”

“Why do things like this happen all the time?”

“Ms., would you take a bullet to protect us?”

“Why do we need guns?”

As heartbreaking and difficult to answer as these questions were, I was able to put on my rational adult hat and answer them as clearly as possible. I am not sure I will be able to do this tomorrow.

If my students ask me, “Why are universal background checks a bad thing?” I will not be able to say that some people think they infringe on our second amendment rights. I will not be able to say that some believe they would make it easier for Obama to “take our guns.” I will not be able to say that some think such a measure would be inaffective because criminals will find other ways to get guns.

Instead, I will try my best not scream that they are a bad thing because the gun lobby has more influence over the Senate than the American people. Even though 90% of American citizens supported this measure, the NRA did not. Therefore, senators who receive campaign donations from the gun lobby are more concerned with keeping them happy than their constituents. They could, frankly, give a shit that at least 241 children under the age of 18 have been killed by guns since the shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary. They are far too cowardly to care about anyone but themselves.

While I’m a tiny bit concerned that my principal would not be too pleased if she heard me share my political beliefs so openly, that’s not my primary worry. I am 23 years old and I have lost all faith in my government. I am too young to be this cynical, but it is what it is. However, I will not pass this cynicism on to my kids. Instead, I hope to share with them this quote from the President:

I’m assuming our expressions of grief and our commitment to do something different to prevent these things from happening are not empty words.

I believe we’re going to be able to get this done. Sooner or later, we are going to get this right. The memories of these children demand it. And so do the American people.

My students are going to be the leaders of our country before we know it, and if we can’t start fixing some of these problems for them, I want them to at least believe that they have the power to do it themselves.

whatshouldwecallme:

I dated a guy that didn’t like cheese. We’re not dating anymore.